The Holden Archive

Prada WTF seriously.

Originally appeared in Urban Air Market: urbanairmarket.com/blog
Written by Holden Pumphrey
Monday, 16 January 2012 12:22

hanks to my bridgeroom and of all places, Gizmodo (!) I’ve found what are quite possibly the silliest women’s shoes ever designed. Oh Prada. Oh Miuccia Prada.

A woman whose ready-to-wear aesthetic I generally like, and might love if I thought it wasn’t ridiculous to own such things.

I appreciate a woman at the helm of a company that once swore it was not a woman’s place to work in industry. And I’m not a total fun-less girl. But let’s just look at these.

Here is one, below.

Yes, friends. The Prada 2012 Spring Shoe Collection is modeled after “classic cars”.

Seriously.

And this is hardly the worst offender. This particular red shoe, is rather meek, if atrociously designed, compared to its sisters.

My first question was: Do the tail lights light-up?! I might have given extra points for that.

It’s a darling concept. So Italimericana! And what do Italian and American women love?SHOES! What do Italian and American men love? CARS! Will these shoes cause an uptick in heterosexual couplings? Or is this just another sad and pathetic way for a girl to appeal to a man.

I think football ~~slippers~~ stacked wedges should be next.

Let me be clear when I say the concept is cute. It just is incredibly poor design. How many thingamajogs can be found on one of these babies? From a company that was once known for its clean line and aesthetic?

Calvin Klein, help us!

But so, so poorly executed are the shoes that they, failure of failures, look cheap. Here are a few others, below.

Perhaps Prada is returning to its 1980s proclaimed roots of reverse-snobbery, but one could hardly call these the anti-status shoes that the once exceedingly popular, verging on democratic nylon backpack once was. (No, really, people ate that up then.)

In the late 90s, Prada’s continued success was attributed to its “working-class” theme which, Ginia Bellafante at the New York Times Magazine proclaimed, “was becoming chic in the high-tech, IPO-driven early 1990s.” I see that is a theme they’ve dumped in the trash, here. Or, maybe the shoes are for mechanic’s wives.

Much like, okay exactly like Louis Vuitton, Prada began way back in Italy by Mario and brother Martino Prada. LV and Prada made luggage for the wealthy. LV and Prada (and near every other luxury brand you can think of) is now owned by enormous big-business conglomerate Louis Vuitton Moët Hennesey, after being sold from the equally large Gucci Group.

Today, Prada is attempting to learn from Dr. Evil Bernard Arnault, and has begun its own conglomerate, The Prada Group. As of press time, Prada owns Miu Miu (Prada’s second-line), Church’s shoes, and — HOW RICH IS THIS? — The Original Car Shoe.*

All groups (LVMH, Gucci Group and Prada Group) make everything on an assembly line (aside from a miniscule amount of special ordered luggage).

I’m sorry to tell college girls that might be reading this, but your “very special” Prada/Gucci/LV bag has many, if not most parts, made and assembled in China, not Italy.

Yet there’s hope. Spring 2012 is really “over” as a season. Do a little dumpster diving around, say, Pacific Heights in San Francisco and you’re bound to come up with one of these hot rods.

You could also wait for the soon-to-be-here knockoffs. Or you could buy yourself an old classic car for a similar price to these shoes and most likely have cash left over to fix’er up. Vroom Vroom.

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* One of my sources, a luxury-brand “insider” to a company I cannot divulge, says The Prada Group may have gone PLOP! on its own and defected to one of the two biggies, Gucci Group or LVMH but we can’t confirm that at this time. They tend to act a bit like Ouroboros, no? Even if Prada is not, in fact, in the lair of Dr. Evil Bernart Arnault, we can confirm that Prada is quite far form anything we’d consider “independent” design and at some point it becomes like sniffing apples and apples made out of 24K.